Negatory

We did a home pregnancy test Sunday morning and Roo went to the clinic for a blood test on Monday.  Both were negative.

I had managed to spend most of the two week wait in a pretty good place.  During previous waits I’ve gotten caught up in the roller coaster of symptoms or the lack thereof making me alternately excited and despairing.  I mostly avoided that this time.  I think it actually helped that I knew that any “symptoms” that Roo experienced didn’t really mean anything because they could be due to the trigger shot or the prometrium or PMS or pregnancy.  My mantra for the wait was “maybe this will work, maybe it won’t, but either way we’ll be okay.”  The last few days before the test, though, I started talking myself into feeling relatively optimistic.  The addition of Clomid plus closer monitoring must increase our odds, right?  Plus the whole hypothetical boost that goes along with having had a recent HSG?  And the fact that Roo’s period hadn’t come seemed amazing (even thought I know that prometrium often does that).  So when everything came crashing down on Sunday I was a bit of a mess.

I’m doing much better today, though.  The one good thing about this process dragging on is that I know a little about what to expect (a rough day or two followed by some days of feeling up and down, followed by feeling mostly back to normal and starting to focus on the next cycle).  I also can plan ahead about ways to take care of myself.  I tend to stock up on light Young Adult fiction to read during the 2WW.  I’m usually in the mood for something with enough drama to keep me distracted from all of the crazy thoughts in my head, but also with a guaranteed happy ending (book suggestions welcomed!).  I’ve been able to carve out some time in the last few days to do nice things for myself (going in to work late on Monday, baking pumpkin bread with Tad on Sunday night, a cozy evening with Roo over the weekend).  Roo and I have taken really good care of each other through this, which makes a huge difference (and it helps that we’ve mostly fallen apart at different times!).  I’m amazed at her strength and bravery through this ordeal.

So now it’s on to try #6.  We’re hoping to skip the prometrium this time, given how unpleasant it was for Roo.  I think that we were given it just because that’s what they do at BSFC, not because of a particular concerns, but we’ll follow up on that with Dr. Y.  I’m working on believing that a second kiddo will come to us someday, somehow and letting go of controlling just how or when that happens.

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20 Comments

Filed under TTC #2

20 responses to “Negatory

  1. tbean

    Sorry for the no. They never get an easier but being a bit of a veteran (16 bfns before our bfp) I think it helps to know what the roller coaster will bring–some major crashes, a period of back and forth, and then renewed hope going into the next try. You WILL get there. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. It is just taking longer than you thought and is more elusive. But your second child will find your family. Hopefully soon.

  2. e10stix

    UGG, We have totally been there – I have felt EVERYTHING you describe down to needing to dive into YA. Have you read the Hunger Games series? That or Kindred might be nice for the next cycle 🙂

  3. So sorry, guys. Keeping fingers and toes crossed it works for you soon.

  4. AAAAAAARRRG! Really, really sorry. I’m glad you’re taking care of each other and keeping your eyes on the long term goal, but OH, the heartbreak of these moments. I so wish you guys weren’t having to face another one.

  5. i’m sorry for the bfn, they just get harder and harder. (())

  6. Oh, dammit! I’m sorry; I was really gunning for this one. I’m glad you’re coping well, but I so wish you were taking care of each other through the nuttiness of early pregnancy.

  7. Damn! I was hoping this was it for you guys… Sorry. And I’m sorry Roo has had a rough time with the prometrium. I can’t say it’s bothered me that much, but I know others have different experiences with it. The biggest thing I dislike about it is that it took me a couple of days after stopping it to get my period, and there was just that little bit more of the almost-definitely-no-but-not-quite-100%-for-sure-negative to wait through.

    On the YA front, I have a couple of recommendations that are actually more children’s lit than teen, but still. Have you read any of the Percy Jackson books by Rick Riordan? PB and I have quite enjoyed them. I’ve also enjoyed his Carter and Sadie Kane books, although I’ll admit to only having read the first two so far. Also, I don’t think they’re terribly well known, and you might have to order them, but I loved Nancy Springer’s Enola Holmes series. The premise is that the central character is Sherlock Holmes’ much younger sister, which is normally the kind of thing that makes me roll my eyes a little, but the books are really quite good. Enola is quite a captivating character, and the author is quite good with evoking the period. I don’t know if any of those would appeal to you at all, but now I kind of want to go reread them all.

  8. Also sorry about the negative. Here’s hoping for the next cycle. I know these BFNs get harder, as do the TWWs … and I love your idea of filling that space with some good YA fiction. (We filled it with TV on DVD at the time, I remember!) Some oldies but goodies,: The Golden Compass series (Pullman) along with his earlier ones, “Ruby and the Smoke” et al — and Avi’s “True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle.” Newer: I liked Malinda Lo’s “Ash” (a queer take on Cinderella).

  9. Ugh, so sorry about the BFN — it’s a kick in the gut every time.

    Fic-wise, I’m revisiting Jane Langton’s “Diamond in the Window” with my 10 year old goddaughter. We’re starting a YA book blog; I’ll link you when it’s up!

  10. A

    So sorry to hear this sad news. It sounds like you are really coping well, and I love that you have your mechanisms in place ahead of time. I stock up on good red wine. I’m thinking your penchant for recovering with YAF is perhaps more healthy in the long run. If prometrium is the same as progesterone, our doc told us we needed the progesterone b/c Clomid/Femera & Follistim can reduce the body’s own production of progesterone (and thereby increase risk of early miscarriage).

    • Thanks for all of the support! We’re not big drinkers, but I think wine might be in store the next go-round. Yes, you’re right about the prometrium–we talked to our doctor and it turns out we’re stuck with it after all.

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