Negatory

We did a home pregnancy test Sunday morning and Roo went to the clinic for a blood test on Monday.  Both were negative.

I had managed to spend most of the two week wait in a pretty good place.  During previous waits I’ve gotten caught up in the roller coaster of symptoms or the lack thereof making me alternately excited and despairing.  I mostly avoided that this time.  I think it actually helped that I knew that any “symptoms” that Roo experienced didn’t really mean anything because they could be due to the trigger shot or the prometrium or PMS or pregnancy.  My mantra for the wait was “maybe this will work, maybe it won’t, but either way we’ll be okay.”  The last few days before the test, though, I started talking myself into feeling relatively optimistic.  The addition of Clomid plus closer monitoring must increase our odds, right?  Plus the whole hypothetical boost that goes along with having had a recent HSG?  And the fact that Roo’s period hadn’t come seemed amazing (even thought I know that prometrium often does that).  So when everything came crashing down on Sunday I was a bit of a mess.

I’m doing much better today, though.  The one good thing about this process dragging on is that I know a little about what to expect (a rough day or two followed by some days of feeling up and down, followed by feeling mostly back to normal and starting to focus on the next cycle).  I also can plan ahead about ways to take care of myself.  I tend to stock up on light Young Adult fiction to read during the 2WW.  I’m usually in the mood for something with enough drama to keep me distracted from all of the crazy thoughts in my head, but also with a guaranteed happy ending (book suggestions welcomed!).  I’ve been able to carve out some time in the last few days to do nice things for myself (going in to work late on Monday, baking pumpkin bread with Tad on Sunday night, a cozy evening with Roo over the weekend).  Roo and I have taken really good care of each other through this, which makes a huge difference (and it helps that we’ve mostly fallen apart at different times!).  I’m amazed at her strength and bravery through this ordeal.

So now it’s on to try #6.  We’re hoping to skip the prometrium this time, given how unpleasant it was for Roo.  I think that we were given it just because that’s what they do at BSFC, not because of a particular concerns, but we’ll follow up on that with Dr. Y.  I’m working on believing that a second kiddo will come to us someday, somehow and letting go of controlling just how or when that happens.