Category Archives: TTC #2

This is it

A few weeks ago we sent in the official notarized form asking Big Scary Fertility Center to destroy to remaining vials of sperm that we had stored there.  This is it.  We’re done with TTC.  It’s an incredible relief to not be in the midst of that struggle.  And I’m so grateful that we are walking away with the family size that we wanted. It didn’t happen the way we’d pictured or in the time-frame we had planned, and there are still scars there (especially for Roo).  But every day I feel grateful that we have Tadpole and Sprout, (even when they are both screaming at the tops of their lungs simultaneously as they were tonight!).

Of course, like lots of bloggers before me, finishing TTC means trying to figure out what the purpose of this blog is.  After some drama-filled months (pregnancy! job layoff! new baby! new job!), things have settled down quite a bit.  There are (knock on wood) no more big changes in our future.  So what do I blog about?  I enjoy writing about the little daily joys and struggles that fill our lives now. Writing about them helps me to be more present to them now, and I hope will help me have a record of this fleeting time for the future.  But I’m not sure how interesting those things are to anyone else.

I’m also not sure what tone to take.  I don’t know how many of my readers are still TTC or are trying to make peace with a smaller family than they wanted.  But I think a lot about any who might be.  Taking too celebratory a tone seems like gloating, like going on and on about the amazing vacation I’m having to the friend whose flight to the same destination was cancelled.  But complaining too much doesn’t seem fair either, given that I know we’re incredibly lucky to be where we are.  And yet, if I avoid both the fabulous things and the hard things about my life, what do I write about?

I’m also struggling with the logistics of finding time to blog.  Our family has settled into our new routines and figured out how to get all of us out the door in the mornings (mostly) on time.  Unfortunately, the secret seems to be doing a lot of tasks (packing lunches, showering, etc.) in the evenings rather than the mornings.  This means less free time in the evening, which means less time for blogging.

I’m still not sure where this blog will go from here.  I’ve found this space useful over the last two-plus years, both as a place to write about my thoughts and feelings and as a place to get feedback from others.  So I don’t think I’m ready to give it up.  I’ll try out some things in the next few weeks/months and see how it goes.  I’d also love to hear your thoughts on what you’d like to see here, or how you’ve navigated the transition to a post-TTC blog.

In the spirit of trying things out, and holding onto the small moments, here are a few recent favorites:

  • Snuggling with Sprout every night after I give her her dream feed before I go to bed.  Her whole body is so limp and trusting.  I love the feel of my cheek against her soft one, her soft breath against my neck.
  • Sitting at the dining room table with our little family after dinner a few days ago.  Tadpole “helped” me bounce Sprout on my lap, she looked down at him and giggled her funny squeaky giggle, which led to laughter all around.
  • Sprout and Roo working together last weekend to plant some flowers in the window boxes of his playhouse in our backyard.  He took the task so seriously and was so excited about every step of the process.
  • Sprout and Tadpole having long conversations in the back seat that consist entirely of blowing raspberries at each other.

This is our life now.  We’re tired, but so lucky.

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Filed under blogging, Parenthood, Sprout, Tadpole, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Up in the air

I’m a planner by nature.  I like to make to-do lists, and have been known to write tasks that I’ve already done on a list just so I can cross them off.  When I have a busy day coming up, I tend to go over the plan for it over and over in my head.  So it’s driving me a little nuts that there’s so much I don’t know about what the future holds.  There’s all of the usual unknowns about what life with Sprout will be like in a few months.  We don’t know much about her personality at this point. She seems fairly laid-back, but that could change.  Her smiles are heartwarming but still rare–will she be a solemn kid?  And Tadpole is eager for her to be more of a playmate than she can be at this point–but will that change when she’s big enough to start getting into his toys?

There are also some other big unknowns about the future.  After getting laid off three weeks before Sprout was born, I’m in the middle of looking for a new job.  And we’re also trying to figure out where Tadpole will go for kindergarten next year.

I’ve been sending out resumes and cover letters since early January, and have been happy to be asked for a number of interviews.  There seem to be a lot of jobs out there for folks with my background, which is promising.  Last week I had two second interviews, and I think my chances of being offered at least one of those jobs is really good.  They both seem interesting, and are both a move away from the kind of work that I’ve done in the past.  There’s two big differences between them though–one would be a regular full-time, 40-hour-a-week position and would pay about what I was making at my old job.  The other would be about 28 hours a week and would involve making a fair amount less (both hourly and total pay) than my old job.  I have a lead on a part time job that could supplement that, but it still wouldn’t be as much as I was making before.

I don’t know if I’ll be offered the part time one, but if I am I’m not sure which to choose.  It has been amazing to have an extra day home with Tadpole for the first five years of his life.  Working most days, but also having one day for library story times or trips to the zoo or adventures on the light rail was the perfect balance for me.  The age Sprout is now is not my favorite, but I also know how quickly Tad became a more interesting companion.  I don’t want Sprout to be short-changed and to miss out on something that Tad had.  And it seems like the time might be even more important to have with her because she is a second kid and won’t have as much one-on-one time with Roo or me.  I know how short these early years can be.

But I’m also really really tired of having money be so tight.  The last several months have been incredibly stressful in terms of money, but they also came on top of the years when money was tight because of putting every available dime into our TTC efforts.  We really need to be putting more (some!) money away for retirement and/or the kids’ college funds.  And it would be nice to be able to chose the best school for Tadpole without having the cost be such a huge consideration.   And it would be lovely to pay for extras like Tad’s soccer program without having to cut something else.  And there are some major expenses (like some home repairs and getting a car to replace mine before it completely falls apart) that we’ve been putting off, and which I’m not sure can be put off much longer.  I know we’re very lucky to have my part time work even be an option, but I’m not sure if I’m up for the belt-tightening that would come with it.

If that weren’t enough stress, we’re also in the midst of having to make decisions about where Tadpole will go to kindergarten next year.  There’s room for a whole post here about why we’re considering the schools that we are.  But for now I’ll just explain that we’ve applied to a number of area charter schools, as well as two private schools.  For the charter schools, the spots are all awarded by lottery so there’s no way to predict which of them he’ll get into (if any).  For the private schools, he first has to get in and then we have to figure out whether we can afford whatever financial aid deal they are offering.  And of course which job I take also has implications there.  So all of this is up in the air as well.

It has been frustrating to have both the job search and the school search take up so much of my maternity leave.  Instead of spending the days staring into my newborn’s eyes, I have been trying to get her to sleep so I can write more cover letters.  And the school application process also involves a huge time commitment–open houses at the different schools we are considering, parent and child interviews at the private schools, digging out all of our financial information to complete the financial aid applications, etc.  I’m not sure how we would have managed it all if I was working now, especially if it were a new job where I hadn’t built up much leave.

In addition to the times when I can’t be physically with Sprout because of job interviews or school interviews, there are also the times when I’m with her but distracted.  I spend a lot of time thinking about the various job prospects and trying to discern which is the right one.  I’m also nervous about pumping/breastfeeding once I’m back at work, so I spend time trying to figure out a plan for that.  But it’s hard to come up with a plan when I have no idea what my schedule will look like or how far from Sprout’s daycare I will be.

I spent so much of my time during the TTC process living in the future, imagining what it would feel like if this try worked, or picturing our kids with the age spread they would have or…  I don’t want to do that now.  I want to be present to Sprout during my last few weeks of leave.  But I also have to do some projecting into the future.  Part of making these big decisions involves picturing myself in various situations and seeing what feels right–how will I feel if I’m dropping Tad off at school x in the fall?  What would it be like to come to this building to go to work?  I want to focus on Sprout, but it is hard when I’m pondering all of these big decisions.

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Filed under Breastfeeding, Parenthood, Sprout, Tadpole, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Anniversaries

We’ve had more crappy news in the job/$$ department, and I’m working on a post about that.

But tonight I am grateful for Sprout.  We went to the annual potluck at Tapole’s preschool this evening.  Two years ago when we went to this event, we had just found out that our first attempts at TTC #2 had resulted in a chemical pregnancy.  You know where a really crappy place to be is when you’re feeling sad about not being pregnant?–a preschool family potluck!  They tend to be full of adorable babies and moms who are pregnant with their second (or third or…) kid.

Last year at the potluck we sat with one of Tad’s classmate’s families who had an adorably-chunky several-month-old baby.  Roo and I both got a turn to hold her, which was delicious but also sad, since we still had no idea when or if we would have our own.

But this year I was one of the pregnant women, chatting with other parents about due dates and baby clothes.  I wondered if there were any families there this year for whom the event was hard.  Given that there were dozens of families in the room, there probably were.  I hope that all of those families find their way to the family size that feels right to them, even if (like us), the path to get there isn’t the one they had imagined.

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Filed under Pregnancy, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Changes

It was a crazy weekend.  We spent most of Sunday rearranging what felt like half of the furniture in our home.  Our house has three bedrooms–Tadpole’s, Roo’s and mine, and the room that has been Roo’s art studio (and also held my crafting supplies and an exercise bike).  For a variety of reasons, it makes sense for Tad to have the studio space, and for Sprout to have the room that was his bedroom.  So we had to move Roo’s studio stuff into our basement, Tadpole’s bedroom furniture into the former studio, and Sprout’s crib, changing table, etc from the basement to Tad’s old room.  Fortunately, Roo recruited two of the maintenance people from her work to help with some of the lifting and carrying.

Roo and I are still exhausted, and we’ve been realizing that it’s not just from the zillions of trips that we’ve made up and down the basement steps.  The whole moving process also brought with it a huge list of different emotions that we’re only now having a chance to sort through:

  • Relief at having the furniture-moving project crossed off of the pre-baby to-do list.  There’s still quite a bit left to do–Sprout’s room is currently full of a lot of odds and ends that need to find new homes, and we need to acquire a few major things (including a new dresser for Tad).  But compared to the big move those all feel manageable.
  • Terror and delight at the idea of the smallest bedroom holding a baby again.  I have so many memories of sitting in the glider in that room holding baby Tad.  Some were moments of cozy bliss, and others were times when I was completely overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted.
  • Bittersweetness about Tad growing up.  Roo peeked at him after he was asleep tonight and remarked that somehow he looks even bigger in a bigger room.
  • Fear of losing parts of our not-just-parent selves now that they don’t have a formal space in the main floors of our house.  What does it mean that our exercise bike, Roo’s art supplies and my craft supplies are all now in our unfinished basement?  This is a tough one for both of us.
  • Joy and excitement that we’re finally going to meet this new little person.  The fact that she has a crib and a room of her own makes it all feel more real.  We’ve been waiting for more than two years to add another child to our family, and we’re getting so close to finally seeing it become a reality!

I feel like lots of my recent posts have been about feeling All The Feelings, but I guess that’s where I am right now.  This is a major life transition so it makes sense that there would be excitement and fear and sadness and joy about all that it may entail.

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Filed under Parenthood, Pregnancy, Tadpole, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Wait a minute!

I’m 31 1/2 weeks pregnant.  I’ve had more weird hip issues, including one weekend in which my hip would randomly give out on me when I was trying to walk (super fun….).  My back hurts, especially if I sit or stand for too long.  Heartburn makes it uncomfortable to eat much in the evenings.  Sprout has also started doing this charming thing where it seems like she’s trying to burrow her way out of belly elbow-first.

Despite these various discomforts, I’m wishing there were a way to prolong the period before Sprout’s arrival.  I really want to have a second kid.  And am so grateful that we’re getting close to having that happen, especially after the long slog to get here.  But I’m not excited about having a newborn again and am not sure I’m ready for all of the changes that will entail.

Tadpole was not an easy infant.  We spent the first six weeks struggling with breastfeeding before giving up and deciding to pump and bottle feed (which meant having to find time to do both).  Plus Tadpole was what our lactation consultant called a “frisky fritter”–a kid who goes from perfectly content to blood-curdling “I’m starving and must be fed RIGHT NOW” screaming in about 7 seconds.  And he had reflux, which meant more screaming.  And of course there was the normal craziness of life with any newborn–sleep deprivation and not having any predictable routines and never being able to get anything done except feeding/changing/rocking the baby.  I remember bursting into tears one evening when I realized that the load of laundry that I had put in the washing machine that morning was still there–I hadn’t even been able to complete a single load of laundry all day.  There’s more about those early days with Tadpole here, but even just writing the above makes me a little queasy.  Remind me why I thought it was a good idea to do this again???

I love our little family routines and rituals, and I’m not ready for them to be completely upended. We have systems for getting the three of us out the door in the mornings, and bedtime routines, and a plan for who drops off and picks up Tadpole on which days.  And there are things that we do most weeks–cooking waffles on Saturday morning, going to the neighborhood farmers’ market on Tuesday evenings, cooking a big meal on Sundays (to allow for lots of leftovers during the week).  I’m not sure what any of those routines and rituals will look like in the months following Sprout’s arrival.  We’ll try to continue with as many of them as we can, but I also remember how topsy-turvy everything felt during the early months with Tadpole.  We have a really great life right now, and I miss our little habits when they are disrupted.  Besides, our current life is crazy and exhausting enough, without adding a newborn to the mix!

I’m hoping that one positive of having been through this once before is that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully we’ll be able to hold onto the knowledge that the crazy newborn stage doesn’t last forever, that all kids sleep through the night eventually, etc. Simply the fact that we’ve kept one kid fed and clothed for 4 1/2 years gives me confidence that we’ll somehow manage to do the same with a second. I know that our current patterns may be completely upset for a while, but we will find our way to new routines that will probably look not-so-different from the ones we have now.  And we’ll be getting to know this new little being who we have waited so long for.  I think once we are able to settle into life as a family of four it will be amazing. But I’m worried about the in-between time before we get there.

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Filed under Parenthood, Pregnancy, Tadpole, TTC #2, Uncategorized

2/100/30

Just over two years ago, on September 28th, 2011 I put up my first ever blog post.  Today I am putting up my 100th post (which means I’ve been almost-meeting my goal of posting once a week).  And last Wednesday I hit week 30 of pregnancy.  Lots of milestones!

I’ve been going back through old posts and thinking about all that these last two years have included.  In September 2011 we were getting ready to start trying to get Roo pregnant.  I had recently started a new job.  Tadpole was 2 1/2 and had just begun attending the preschool where he is now in pre-K.  I was excited about starting to blog, but nervous about putting my thoughts and feelings out in the world.

One year ago we were in the midst of TWW #5, and almost a year into our attempts to have a second kid.  We were frustrated at how long and drawn-out the process had been, but hopeful that the switch to Big Scary Fertility Center would make a difference.  Roo and I often felt alone, since few of our friends had struggled with fertility.  But the community of bloggers I had found helped immensely.

And now we’re here.  We’re (hopefully!) about two months from meeting this longed-for, dreamed-of kiddo.  She’s in my belly and not Roo’s, which was an option were just starting to think about a year ago.  But she’s almost here!  We’re so lucky to have made it to this point.

And I continue to be grateful to this community.  The thing that I was most struck by in re-reading old posts was the support that I’ve received all along the way.  Thank you for listening to my TTC angst, laughing at silly stories about Tadpole, giving advice about the TTC process, commiserating when we received yet another BFN, celebrating when we finally got a BFP, offering suggestions about parenting a preschooler, and patiently listening to my whining about the aches and pains of pregnancy.  As tough as our 1 1/2-year slog through TTC was (and I know many folks have much longer and harder journeys than ours), it would have been infinitely more difficult without having companions along the way to kvetch to and get advice from.  I think of you all often, especially those of you still struggling to conceive or to make peace with the size family you have.

Even when folks don’t comment, it makes a difference to know that someone is reading what I’ve written.  For anyone reading who doesn’t usually comment, no pressure, but I’d love to find out more about you.  How did you find my blog?  What do you enjoy reading about?

And to all of you, thanks so much for your companionship through the ups and downs of the last two years.

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Filed under blogging, Parenthood, Tadpole, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Bins

I now have a few hours on Friday mornings to Get Things Done while Tad is at preschool.  The plan this week was to use that time to sort through Tad’s old clothes in order to get things organized and ready for the baby.  So I hauled up from the basement the six (!) giant plastic bins that held all of Tad’s outgrown clothes and toys, plus the bin of very pink hand-me-downs from my nieces that we just received.  I spent more than two hours sorting them into piles by size and then folding them and putting them neatly back in the bins.  It was satisfying to check one more thing off of the pre-baby to-do list, but the whole process also brought up lots of different feelings.

My most prominent reaction was relief at finally getting to do this.  During the year-and-a-half that we were unsuccessfully trying to conceive, I had moments of hating that we had these bins.  These hopeful stores of newborn onesies and bouncy seats and nursing cover-ups felt mocking.  And as we had to add bins for Tad’s 2T clothes and then his 3T ones, the number of bins seemed to represent the growing age gap between Tad and a potential sibling.  But now, finally, I could pull out all of the tiny pastel outfits and dream about this girl in my belly wearing them.  I could picture her in her brother’s hand-me-downs at six months, 18 months, three years.  It was so joyful to finally be here!

Of course, imagining our soon-to-be-born child in the clothes happened simultaneously with memories of her big brother wearing them–“oh, I remember when he wore that to the zoo” or “we have a picture of him wearing that on our porch on a beautiful spring day” or “I know where that stain came from!”  I picked up one particularly soft and colorful onesie and had a flashback to holding my son when he was wearing it, back when he was chunky and bald, years before he was the long, lean preschooler who he is now.  I could feel that toddler’s chubby round body.  I love the boy who we have now, but in that moment I also missed toddler who we used to have.

And then there was the moment when I came across a few loose-fitting dresses of Roo’s.  I was baffled about why they were in with the baby stuff, but then I saw the maternity skirt folded up with them.  These were a few things that she had put aside to wear when pregnant.  So like many other moments of this pregnancy, the joy at finally preparing to welcome our baby girl shares space with sadness that Roo isn’t the one carrying Sprout.  For me (and I think for Roo too), the joy continues to grow and the sadness gets less sharp.  But it’s certainly still there.

Do you have any objects that represent your TTC journey?

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Filed under Pregnancy, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Gratitude

Here, in no particular order are things for which I am feeling grateful:

A lovely Saturday afternoon/evening with my family.  On this beautiful not-quite-too-hot summer day we went to a cultural festival where we heard gospel music, got Tad’s face painted, tried out drums and banjos, and watched a blacksmith.   Tad was fascinated by all of it, especially anything musical.  Then we wandered around a downtown neighborhood, watched boats, got Tadpole a flourescent-blue-colored scoop of ice cream, and danced to our favorite street musician (with one family member putting on some spectacular sugar-rush-inspired dance moves!).
My lovely and clever partner. Roo suggested that we replace our recently-defunct dehumidifier two weeks ago, which happened to be one week before we had days and days of crazy storms, each of which flooded our basement.
A light at the end of the tunnel. I’m finally (at 14 1/2 weeks) starting to feel less nausea. I’m definitely not 100%, and still have some pretty miserable evenings. But I also have some days in which I feel almost normal!
Zofran.  It hasn’t done much about the nausea.  But when I’m feeling queasy it make a huge psychological difference to know that I’m not going to actually throw up.
Roo’s parents. We’re so lucky that this set of grandparents lives in town and is eager to be involved with our family. Roo and I had a daring night out at a concert on Wednesday night so Tad spent the night at his grandparents’. By all accounts, everyone had a fabulous time. I’m so grateful that Tad has such a good connection with them, that they are willing to help us out, and that they are people I generally feel comfortable entrusting my child too. I worry that he’ll have 6 desserts per meal, but that seems like a pretty typical kids-at-grandma’s thing.
I’m, like, still pregnant. It’s still hard to believe. I was looking back over some old posts recently and remembering how awful it was when we were in the midst of TTCing. Even now it’s hard to remember just what it felt like to not know how long the process would take.  It’s still hard to believe that we’re not there anymore. There’s a really really good chance that we’ll bring home a baby this winter and be able to be done with this crazy process. We can start using the baby stuff that has been stored in plastic bins in our basement for the last five years. And when we’re done using it, we can pass it on! We’ll be done! We won’t be waiting anymore.  This waiting has been such a huge part of the last year and a half that I’m still getting used to the fact that we’re finally moving on.
YOU! The other thing that struck me as I looked back at old posts was all of the supportive comments from readers. Your offerings of commiseration, hope, advice and support made (and continue to make) such a difference! As much as the TTC process has sucked, one positive thing that has come from it is my connection to this community.  I’m thinking of all of you.  And I’m thinking especially of those who are still in the midst of the struggle and hoping that your good news will come soon.

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Filed under blogging, Pregnancy, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Settling in

I think I’ve been in denial about this pregnancy. I keep being startled when I look down at my stomach and see this big round belly.

Part of this may be because feeling so crappy for so many weeks on end has made me not really want to be in my body. I’m finally starting to feel a little better at least some of the time. But that means coming back to a body that has changed a lot since I last really inhabited it. I bumped my belly into Roo the other day when going through a doorway sideways–I was sure I had plenty of room, but clearly did not! I started telling my coworkers last week and I had thought most of them would be surprised–instead several said that they had suspected for a while and one even said, “I was wondering when you were finally going to tell us.” I’ve even had the first pregnancy-related comment (along with the first weird and unsolicited advice) from a stranger.

I also think part of what’s making it hard to wrap my head around this pregnancy is the fact that I’ve spent the last four years believing that I would never be pregnant again. And the time between considering trying to get pregnant, deciding I was ready to try, and getting pregnant was really short. In late January of this year we were still hoping for a positive result from what turned out to be Roo’s last IUI. We were considering switching to trying with me, but still talking through what that might be like. And by the end of March I was pregnant. I’m so grateful that this last part of our journey didn’t drag on and on. But it makes the fact of my pregnancy harder to really settle into.

It’s a weird place to be. I’m so grateful that we are finally on our way to having this longed-for and dreamed-of second kid. But I haven’t particularly enjoyed being pregnant thus far. And between the various spotting scares I haven’t let myself really believe that this was going to result in an ongoing pregnancy and even an actual baby. But now we’re at almost 13 weeks. We’ve seen and heard the heartbeat a bunch of times. My belly is getting larger by the day. It’s all starting to feel a lot more real.

Yesterday I went to a new thrift store that just opened near our house, because I currently have one pair of shorts that fits and I thought the summer might be more enjoyable if I had a few more. So I spent some time trying on maternity clothes. I got some shorts and tank tops. But I also bought a few cold-weather pieces. I pictured myself this fall wearing the cute brown sweater, or the nice purple shirt. Even more daring, I looked in the baby clothes and bought a Christmas onesie that says “Mommy’s Little Elf”. It felt important, in this time of settling into my pregnancy, that I recognize that this baby also belongs to Roo (who is the “Mommy” in our family). But it also felt really daring to purchase something for this baby. Of course we have boxes full of Tad’s outgrown clothes waiting in our basement, but actually purchasing something feels different.

We’ve wanted for so long to be here–taking care of Tad while preparing for the arrival of his sibling. But where we’ve ended up (with me pregnant instead of Roo) is different than where we thought we were headed. Roo and I are both still grieving that change. But I’m also going to try to start enjoying the fact that we are finally here.

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Filed under Pregnancy, TTC #2, Uncategorized

Looking up

The spotting stopped around the time of my last post, but it still felt like a very long 10 days between that time and my neuchal translucency ultrasound yesterday. There hasn’t been much else that feels worth reporting. I continue to feel nauseated (I know it’s the gramatically correct word–but the word itself makes me feel a little queasy) sick. No actual vomiting (thanks, Zofran!), but lots of misery.

And of course lots of continued anxiety, despite the fact that continuing to feel so crappy was a good sign. It felt like the ultrasound yesterday, at 12w1d, was one last hurdle to clear before we could breathe a sigh of relief (no guarantees, I know, but really good odds of a good outcome if things looked good at that point). But making this into “the final frontier” meant it also felt like there was a lot riding on this.

The appointment was early (7:30am), so I had a rushed breakfast with Tad, over which he not-so-helpfully asked a series of questions, including “what happens if the baby’s heart isn’t beating fast enough.” As I sat in the waiting room at the schnazzy imaging center an hour later, I realized I was spacy in a way that usually lets me know that working really hard not to notice some emotion (picture a little kid with fingers in her ears going, “lalalalala I can’t hear you”). Logically I knew that the odds were in our favor, but I was really worried about what the ultrasound would reveal. After filling out reams of paperwork I was finally called back by a sweet and chatty ultrasound tech. When she asked about complications I mentioned the spotting, and she talked about having spotting during an otherwise perfectly healthy pregnancy and being so upset she spent a lot of time crying at work.  The tech found Sprout quickly and I got a glance at the flicker in his/her middle while she started measuring things. Finally she got to the heartbeat and played the “whoosh-whoosh-whoosh” for me. Best sound in the world! The tech noticed that I was tearing up and said, “oh, I should’ve known you’d want to see that part first with the spotting and all.” Well yes, that would have been nice but was rather beside the point at that point.

Sprout was measuring just right at 12w2d. And the tech pointed out two arms, two legs, a nasal bone, a two-lobed brain, the bladder (which she said meant the kidneys are working), and the stomach. It was amazing! We didn’t do an NT scan with Tad, so I hadn’t known what to expect–it was fascinating how much they could see on a 5-centimeter-long fetus, and amazing how much of Sprout is already there.   

The next part was less fun as there followed lots of confusion about the bloodwork piece of the NT scan–whether it had or hadn’t already been done at my doctor’s office, which lab was in-network for my insurance, etc. They finally determined that it hadn’t yet been done so I waited a while longer before finally getting that part taken care of.

I didn’t get the results of the scan yesterday because they have to combine the ultrasound results with the bloodwork. But the tech seemed pleased with everything that she did see. Also, I happened to remember the measurement what she’d recorded for the neuchal translucency and some googling today revealed it to be smack dab in the middle of normal.

On the way out they had me schedule my 20 week anatomy scan.  Like they assume that this pregnancy will just keep chugging along and I’ll be back in 8 weeks to see more amazing pictures.  This is starting to feel a lot more real! I’ve gotten in the habit of prefacing every thought about the baby with some sort of disclaimer–“if we get that far,” “if nothing bad happens in the meantime”, “God willing and the creek don’t rise”, etc. I wonder when I’ll be ready to stop doing that.

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