Wait a minute!

I’m 31 1/2 weeks pregnant.  I’ve had more weird hip issues, including one weekend in which my hip would randomly give out on me when I was trying to walk (super fun….).  My back hurts, especially if I sit or stand for too long.  Heartburn makes it uncomfortable to eat much in the evenings.  Sprout has also started doing this charming thing where it seems like she’s trying to burrow her way out of belly elbow-first.

Despite these various discomforts, I’m wishing there were a way to prolong the period before Sprout’s arrival.  I really want to have a second kid.  And am so grateful that we’re getting close to having that happen, especially after the long slog to get here.  But I’m not excited about having a newborn again and am not sure I’m ready for all of the changes that will entail.

Tadpole was not an easy infant.  We spent the first six weeks struggling with breastfeeding before giving up and deciding to pump and bottle feed (which meant having to find time to do both).  Plus Tadpole was what our lactation consultant called a “frisky fritter”–a kid who goes from perfectly content to blood-curdling “I’m starving and must be fed RIGHT NOW” screaming in about 7 seconds.  And he had reflux, which meant more screaming.  And of course there was the normal craziness of life with any newborn–sleep deprivation and not having any predictable routines and never being able to get anything done except feeding/changing/rocking the baby.  I remember bursting into tears one evening when I realized that the load of laundry that I had put in the washing machine that morning was still there–I hadn’t even been able to complete a single load of laundry all day.  There’s more about those early days with Tadpole here, but even just writing the above makes me a little queasy.  Remind me why I thought it was a good idea to do this again???

I love our little family routines and rituals, and I’m not ready for them to be completely upended. We have systems for getting the three of us out the door in the mornings, and bedtime routines, and a plan for who drops off and picks up Tadpole on which days.  And there are things that we do most weeks–cooking waffles on Saturday morning, going to the neighborhood farmers’ market on Tuesday evenings, cooking a big meal on Sundays (to allow for lots of leftovers during the week).  I’m not sure what any of those routines and rituals will look like in the months following Sprout’s arrival.  We’ll try to continue with as many of them as we can, but I also remember how topsy-turvy everything felt during the early months with Tadpole.  We have a really great life right now, and I miss our little habits when they are disrupted.  Besides, our current life is crazy and exhausting enough, without adding a newborn to the mix!

I’m hoping that one positive of having been through this once before is that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully we’ll be able to hold onto the knowledge that the crazy newborn stage doesn’t last forever, that all kids sleep through the night eventually, etc. Simply the fact that we’ve kept one kid fed and clothed for 4 1/2 years gives me confidence that we’ll somehow manage to do the same with a second. I know that our current patterns may be completely upset for a while, but we will find our way to new routines that will probably look not-so-different from the ones we have now.  And we’ll be getting to know this new little being who we have waited so long for.  I think once we are able to settle into life as a family of four it will be amazing. But I’m worried about the in-between time before we get there.

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17 Comments

Filed under Parenthood, Pregnancy, Tadpole, TTC #2, Uncategorized

17 responses to “Wait a minute!

  1. Right there with you in the terrified of infancy camp. No idea what I was thinking. The Bean is so fun now (though he still doesn’t sleep enough or easily) but man, he was a tough infant. And suppose this one is just as hard but in new, unfamiliar ways??

    Still, the parents I’ve talked to do say the hard parts are faster the second time, because you know they’ll end. Here’s hoping.

  2. e10stix

    This post definitely made me think about our own routines and how they will look with a newborn in tow. I always worry the divide-and-concour mentality will take over, which makes me sad bc I love doing things as a family.

    • Yes, that’s one of my worries too–one of us going off with one child and the other with the other. But I guess we can both try to find ways to avoid that and to still do things as a family of 4.

  3. Way to go and make me not want a second! 😉

    Just curious, but was Tad checked thoroughly for tongue and lip ties? That sounds so much like my bub – 0 to 60 in 10 seconds flat, spitting up and gassy, horrible time breastfeeding – until I got his ties revised and weight gain going and everything settled down.

    • Thanks–yes, he had a procedure for his tongue tie at about 5 days old. We had been hopeful that it would be a miracle cure, but for us that didn’t seem to be the case.

      • I’m sorry 😦 it wasn’t an immediate improvement on mood but gas went down for sure. I’ve just come to terms that he’s a high needs baby and us very sensitive. Not all tongue ties resolve on the first try. If you find you need more resources for the baby to be, please let me know and I will find you mor information.

  4. I absolutely understand you’re feelings here. Even as I hope and pray every day that this baby comes soon before he gets any bigger, I’m scared of what it will be like when he’s here. I hope that by the time Sprout is ready to arrive you’ll feel more prepared for the transition, or at least more ready to move on from where you are.

  5. As an adoptive parent who never experienced the infant stage, I really hope we come through #2 alive! Good luck and when the going gets tough, take 5 and come on here to vent. 🙂

  6. I have many of the same thoughts and fears r.e. a second newborn. Our Jaybird was also a difficult infant. My mom insists that if you had a fussy first, you get a mellow second. (She had five, so I like to believe her, old wives’ tale as it may be). Regardless, the second has to adapt to current family rhythms, so often naps more easily on the go and such. So I hear. Best of luck! I’m sure it will be magical and tough by turns, but hopefully more magical.

  7. tbean

    You’ve got 4.5 years of parenting under your belt, so you’ll feel totally experienced and competent much earlier on. Even though it seems scary to consider the newborn phase again (for us too), I think by the time she’s in your arms, it will feel like no time at all before you remember how to do it. And I think often with second kids (especially since Tad is old enough to do some things for himself) it can be easy to just have the new baby go along with the already established family routines–farmers market visits, Sunday afternoon cooking. All of this can easily be done with an infant (or crawling baby) underfoot. I know it will change the dynamic, but I think it will only change it for the better.

  8. I feel like I could have written this post, honestly. Now that we’re here, though, it’s not actually that bad. For one thing, Teeny is a much better eater than Critter was, and feeding was a HUGE source of stress during his infancy. She also seems a bit less anxious than he was (he’s not now, mind you, but he was as a tiny baby), although she’s definitely opinionated. I wouldn’t necessarily say that she’s a seriously easier baby than he was, because newborns are difficult regardless. But I do feel like I’m having a much easier time than we did with Critter, and that’s even considering that I’m the milk-maker this time around. It really does make a huge difference to have the first-hand experience that tells you that the difficult parts won’t last forever.

    Yesterday I managed to make myself lunch, and was just about to eat it when a certain someone decided that she needed to nurse right that second. So I was stuck between trying to eat one-handed without dropping too much on her, and waiting until she was done (or at least willing to take a little break) before bolting my now room-temperature meal. I was feeling a little annoyed about it, and then I thought “You know, this really won’t be forever”, and I felt better, because I knew from experience that that was true. So, it helps.

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