Full

Life has been a little crazy lately, though mostly full of very good things.  (Warning, lots of discussion of pregnancy.  Feel free to skip this one if you’re not up for that.)

In July, we spent a week at the beach with Roo’s family. It was much like last year’s post on the subject (see here).  There were some of the same moments of awkwardness and frustration with the ways in which our beliefs are really different from those of Roo’s brother’s family.  But there were some nice times to connect with my nieces and older nephew and find out more about who they’ve become in the last year.  There was also the addition of my 3-month-old nephew this year. We all got a lot of time snuggling little A, and my father-in-law joked at one point, “if you sit still long enough around here, someone will hand you a baby!”  It was cozy to remember a little bit about what it’s like to hold a newborn (and to do so without having to deal with any middle-of-the-night feedings!). Tad made some adorable comments about wanting to hold his cousin, “so I can practice for my baby.”

Of course, that’s the other huge difference this year–I’m pregnant.  Last year just before the beach trip Roo had had an incredibly tough week, with three different medical procedures ranging from unpleasant to really awful.  This year we were getting ready for our anatomy scan and I was just starting to feel fetal movement.

I’m now 21 1/2 weeks pregnant, which is hard to believe. I’ve been feeling more and more kicks, and Roo finally got to feel one the other night.  We’re so, so lucky.  I spent some time during our trip (especially one lovely walk along the beach in the moonlight) sorting through my complicated feelings about our TTC journey.  I feel like I was able to let go of a lot of the bitterness at how long and hard and not-what-we-had-planned the path was to get here.  I don’t think that bitterness will ever be gone completely, but sorting through at least some of it helped to make room for more of the excitement and joy about our little Sprout.

The week after our beach trip we had our anatomy scan, and everything looks good with Sprout (another huge sigh of relief). Tad was there, and seemed to take his role of big brother very seriously. We also found out the sex–female! There would be good things either way, and we would have been very happy with a boy or a girl (and of course we’re not guaranteed one or the other). But being able to pick one pronoun and to start to pick a name makes it all feel a little more real, which is so exciting.

I’m really lucky to be feeling pretty good physically. I’m finally not ill at all anymore. And not so huge that getting around is tough. I started getting SPD pain much earlier in this pregnancy than when I was pregnant with Tad, and I was worried that it would get worse quickly.  I’ve been very relieved that it has stayed about the same. I can’t run without pain, swimming isn’t great, and for some reason skipping across a crosswalk with my nieces was really awful!  But most other activities (walking, gardening, rock climbing) don’t bother me much so far.  I’ve noticed that there’s a huge difference in my overall mood when I see my body as capable (either because of the physical activities I can still do or because I remember that it’s pretty amazing that it’s creating a whole person).  When I see my body as incapable and start focusing on the physical activities that I can’t do, I start to feel angry and panicky and trapped.  So I’m working on all of that.

I just had a lovely weekend with Roo and Tadpole.  The weather was amazingly cool for a mid-Atlantic August.  We went to the neighborhood pool, spent time working and playing in the yard, went for a long ramble-y walk, and generally spent a lot of low-key time together.  It was fabulous!  And now it’s only a few days until we leave for the drive to New England where we’ll spend a week at a cabin on a lake. The 12+-hour road trip with a four-year-old will be a little crazy.  But I can’t wait for the relaxing time with just our little family of three once we get there. I intend to lie on the hammock on the porch, swim in the lake, devour several novels, and spend lots of time with my two favorite people.

I’m so full of gratitude and so aware of how lucky we are.

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “Full

  1. Esperanza

    Yay! This post makes my heart smile, big and wide. I’m so happy for you three! And congrats on a baby girl! That is so exciting!

  2. I’m glad that there are so many good things happening for you!

    I’m also focussing on gratitude, and the many good things that are happening. You’re right– it is so easy to focus on the things that your body can’t do (and in my case, the first visible stretch mark), but also important to focus on the amazing things that it is doing.

  3. e10stix

    i was hankering for an update from you guys! I think the process of grieving for what “could have been” is such a challenge, but it sounds like you are able to hold both that with the “joy of what is coming” – YEAH, a little girl, they are the best!

  4. A wee girl! Hurrah! It does indeed sound like things are that amazing combination of wonderful and challenging that is LIFE.

  5. I”m glad you’re feeling better and congrats on the baby girl news! Enjoy your New England vacation.

  6. Wonderful to read this. And, aw, a baby girl!!!

  7. So happy you’re feeling better and what a lovely post! Bless…a girl! So happy for you!

  8. Pingback: End-of-summer update | pajamamommas

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