Apologies again for my lack of posting and commenting. I’m at 10w2d and I continue to feel queasy a lot of the time. It’s particularly bad in the evenings, which means I’m not getting much of anything done besides going to work, coming home, and going to bed. I’m trying really hard to remember that all of this is a good sign that the pregnancy is going well. But it’s hard as I’m dragging myself through week after week of feeling so awful. I’ve decided that I’m more than half-way through this part (if it lasts from weeks 4 through 14 then I’ve done 6 weeks and “only” have 4 to go). Pleaseohplease let it at least improve somewhat by 14 weeks. It’s hard to describe the misery, and hard to even really remember how awful it is in the moments when things get a little better (which may have something to do with why I volunteered to try getting pregnant again in the first place…) For added fun, Roo has had strep throat and Tad has a cold that won’t go away. We’re having a hard time keeping our heads above water in terms of dishes, laundry, etc.
One bright spot in all of this was telling Tadpole about Sprout last Saturday evening. Tad had a few out-of-the-blue meltdowns that day, and Roo and I wondered if he sensed that something was up and was nervous about not knowing what it was. Plus, we plan to tell Roo’s brother’s family at a family party this weekend and wanted to tell Tad the news first. I think all of my justification above is my nervousness that we told Tad too early, but it really just felt like the right time.
At any rate, his reaction was adorable!
Roo: Tad, guess what Momma has in her belly.
Tad: A baby?
Tad: (eyes wide and a big grin and his body quivering with excitement) Really??! For real???!!
Tad: Yay!!! (brief pause) I don’t want to eat this, I want something else for dinner.
A few moments later (after a minor meltdown about us not agreeing to get him something else for dinner) he said (completely unprompted) “I’m going to be a big brother!” and a few minutes after that made the very businesslike pronoucement that “we are going to need a name for the baby” and started surveying us on potential names.
There were also some hard questions about why Mommy doesn’t have a baby in her belly and if she will one day. Roo and I explained “that’s just not how it happened,” and he seemed satisfied with that answer. But it was still hard. Another bittersweet moment.
At breakfast a few days later Tadpole was lobbying for Sprout to “come out soon.” It’s going to be a long wait until December for all of us (another reason to have delayed telling Tad). But I’m glad that we told him. It feels good to no longer have this huge secret from one of the people I live with. And I think he feels better knowing rather than wondering what the whispering and coded conversations are about.
As we suspected, telling Tad has meant the end of our having control over the information. On Sunday night we were hanging out with our next-door neighbors (whose baby is due in September) on our front porch, and talking about their baby reminded Tad to tell them about ours. And then our across-the-street neighbors (with whom we have a complicated relationship described here) came home, and Tad promptly called across the street, “my Momma has a baby in her belly!”. They laughed, said “congratulations” and (probably based on the expressions on Roo’s and my faces) scolded us, “if you didn’t want him to tell us, you shouldn’t have told him!” On Saturday night Tad spent a lot of time thinking about telling his friends at school his news. I don’t know if he has actually remembered to say anything while at school, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. And he told just about every random stranger we talked to as we went about our business today inlcuding other parents in the waiting room at the doctor’s office and a friendly lady sitting at a nearby table at the coffee shop.
I’m nervous about so many people starting to know (not so much the coffee shop strangers but more the acquantances who we’ll see again). But I’m trying to remember that everything has gone really smoothly so far and the odds of anything happening at this point are low. And for now I’m trying to make decisions based on the way we will want to have handled things if we do have a healthy baby in December, rather than based on assuming the worst possible outcome. Even if it’s still hard to believe that I’m really pregnant. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that these strange and sometimes uncomfortable things happening in my body are anything other than a very long bout of the flu and/or a tapeworm.