I have a longer (and whinier) post percolating about the physical and emotional discomforts of the first trimester.  But I owe ya’ll an update so thought I would at least post this.

We were scheduled for our first ultrasound this Thursday, but because of some spotting were able to move it up to Monday.  I was pretty anxious to begin with, but the spotting certainly made things worse.  Roo came to the appointment and we met in the parking lot of BSFC so we could walk in together.  After a few minutes in the waiting room we were called back.  Before the physician assistant even started the ultrasound, she made sure to tell us that it was probably too early (at 5w5d) to see the heartbeat.  She quickly found a yolk sac and our little Sprout,in the right place and measuring just right for his/her age at a whopping 0.22cm in length!  And then she said the magical words, “look, you can see the heartbeat!”  It was the faintest flutter but definitely there.  It was such a relief!  I started to let myself get a little excited, to think that the odds are good that we’ll bring home a baby in December.  Roo and I giggled and held hands and I teared up a bit with the relief.  And then Roo said, “I’m so happy about this.  And I wish it were me.”  I agreed–I wish so much that it was her too (and not just because I’d rather not be the queasy one)!  She apologized for “spoiling the moment”  But I assured her that she hadn’t.  I think there will be a bittersweetness about many of these moments and that’s okay.  The bitter doesn’t erase the sweet and there is room for both.



Filed under Pregnancy, TTC #2, Uncategorized

9 responses to “Flutter

  1. Congratulations, I just got to see my baby’s heartbeat yesterday. Looks like we are both due in December, I am 6 weeks 4 days :)!

  2. Hooray! So exciting.

    I’m sorry for Roo. But I love your sentiment that the bitter doesn’t erase the sweet. It’s so true, and there absolutely is room for both.

    You two seem like a wonderful couple and I am sure you will handle this together, and come out the other end stronger and with a brand new bring home baby!

  3. I was just thinking about you guys last night and wondering how you were feeling! Thrilling that you got to hear the heartbeat! “Room for both” is something easy to forget but wow, how warm its truth is.

  4. e10stix

    what a magical moment – and i couldnt agree more — “room for both” is SO true and yet, sometime so hard to lock into.

  5. A

    So happy for you, and so glad you have made room for both. I think that will be so important for Roo, especially as much attention and care is paid to you as the pregnant mother.

  6. tbean

    Congrats on seeing a flicker! And yes, hold space for both emotions in your heart.

  7. AndiePants

    So complex. I appreciate your ability and willingness to hold all of that and share it with us. Thanks. And hooray for flutters!

  8. Congrats on seeing the heartbeat! Making room for both emotions is essential. Be well and take care of yourselves!

  9. WOW! WOW!!!! I’m so thrilled. Hello, little sprout! Welcome, and keep on sprouting. I wish it could have been her, I wish it could have been a looooong time ago, but mostly I’m just so happy there’s someone in there!

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