I’ve been gone a while.  I’m still reading along on your adventures, but I haven’t been very inspired to write lately.

Part of that is that things have been crazy around here.  The adjustment back to work and school after vacation was tough on all three of us.  There were multiple epic power struggles about getting Tadpole dressed and out the door in the mornings.  And just when we were starting to get back into our routine, he got the flu!  On Sunday he was sad and limp and napped for four hours.  Monday and Tuesday were much better, but he still had a fever so couldn’t go back to school today.  Roo and I have been doing all sorts of crazy tag-teaming, trying to get done what we need to at work while taking turns being home.

In addition to all that, my mom had surgery last week.  It was planned surgery and she is home now and will be fine, but it was still responsible for a lot of anxiety.  I’ve been doing what I can to help my parents from a distance (setting up a website to coordinate friends bringing my parents food, sending a care package, etc.), and Tad and I will go visit in a few weeks.  But at times like these, it is hard being several states away from them.

I don’t think my lack of blogging is all about these external factors, though.

You know how you have intensely vivid dreams about terrifying things (like being bitten by a snake or chased by assasins) and are so relieved to wake up and realize it was all a dream?  I had the opposite of that last night, an intensely vivid dream that Roo was pregnant.  It was horrible to wake up and remember that that isn’t where we are.

Instead we’re about halfway through TWW #7. I’ve started several posts on the subject, but haven’t been sure what to say that I haven’t said before.  One draft was titled “Lucky #7?” and another was “Same S%^$, Different Day.”  Which pretty much sums up where I am about this whole process.  Sometimes I’m optimistic–“this is only our third IUI with meds/monitoring!”  “everything is a little different this time with more clomid and 2 IUIs!  Maybe that will do the trick!”  But lots of times I’m not so cheery.  As time goes by with more and more cycles that look completely perfect except for the lack of positive pregnancy tests at the end of them, we’re losing hope that this will get us anywhere.

I’m still sure that we’ll get to a second kiddo.  We’re very determined to make it happen, and we’re clear about what our next steps are.  We’re also incredibly lucky to have financial assistance from my parents that will help us overcome the huge financial barriers that put more intensive fertility procedures or adoption out of the reach of so many folks.  But I don’t have any idea how or when we’ll be able to make our dreams come true.



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7 responses to “Dreams

  1. Beldee

    Hopefully it happens this time! I know exactly what you mean about feeling despondent, sometimes it’s hard to muster enough hope. But determination is a great thing.

  2. e10stix

    My absolute favorite number is 7 — I just know it will be lucky for you! Plus, we are also big fans of The Rule of Three — so given its your 3rd with monitoring/meds, I’m banking on it!

  3. Crossing fingers that this is the one!

  4. So much of what you said, resonated so deeply with me. I have the same struggles of trying to find new ways of saying that I hate waiting and I just want a baby already. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words so beautifully. I will keep all that I have crossed for you!

  5. Fingers crossed for lucky number 7!

  6. I pick ‘Same S&!t Different Day’…that’s what it feels like to me (the one w/ the potential cluster in my body, doing the waiting, & pretending I’m pregnant.) Luckily, my partner is the writer, and she comes up w/ something more eloquent to say on our blog.

  7. You said it–you don’t know how or when, and as much faith as you have in the end result, that part makes life a bit hellish. That, and flu. UGGH! And some extra parental health anxiety. I am hoping that the magical good news fairy is even now looking your address up…

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