Timelines

I first discovered TTC blogs more than four years ago when Roo and I were starting to think about trying to have a baby.  I followed link after link poring over other people’s blogs in an attempt to understand what our process might look like.  I was particularly fascinated by other people’s TTC timelines.  In some ways, this was helpful.  I saw the range of time that it took other couples to conceive.  I learned a lot about success rates of ICI vs. IUI vs. IVF.  I gained a clearer idea of when it might make sense to switch to a more aggressive (and expensive) approach.

But as many timelines as I read I couldn’t find the information I was looking for, which was how long it would take us to conceive.  Fortunately, the first time around I didn’t have to wait very long since we got pregnant during our second cycle.  And because of reading so many other timelines, I knew just how lucky we were.

I’m putting together a timeline for my own blog.  As I’ve now been blogging for almost a year (!) it seems useful to provide a brief description of where we are and where we’ve been for any new readers.  There is some sadness about this, however.  In the timeline that I had in my head about how this ought to work, we would be pregnant or parenting kiddo #2 by now.  I know that we have only tried four times (far fewer than many out there), but those tries have been spread out over almost a year.  Writing down the details of our process so far reminds me of how little we have to show for it.  If the chemical pregnancy from October 2011 had “stuck” we would be parents of two kids right now.  If our last attempt back in February had worked, Roo would be 32 weeks pregnant now.   Those outcomes are in the range of what I considered ideal.   Spacing our kids 3 to 3 1/2 years apart felt right to me.  It felt like enough time for us to recover from the difficult newborn period with Tad before jumping into infant-land again.  It seemed like a good age difference between siblings.  But (assuming we don’t someday adopt an older kid) it’s not the age spacing that we’re going to have.

I’m trying to believe that we’ll still get the bigger outcome that we want (a new baby to cuddle and love and watch grow into his/her own fascinating self).  We just don’t get to pick when or how that happens.  Once we have a second kid, I imagine the importance of the “what-might-have-beens” will fade.  And the pluses and minuses of whatever age spacing we have will be just part of how things are.

We’re about two weeks into this cycle (#5), and our IUI will likely be sometime in the next few days.  I’m hopeful that the increased monitoring will increase our chances.  We’ve also decided to add Clomid this cycle, despite my terror that we will end up with twins.  Dr. Y has convinced us that this low dose doesn’t really increase our risk of multiples all that much, and I’m willing to do just about anything that could keep this process from dragging on any longer.  I’m excited to be actively doing something that could bring us a baby, but nervous to be using up #5 of the 6 cycles that our insurance will help to cover.

I wish that (if I can’t control how long this process will take) I could at least predict it.  I’ve given up poring over other people’s timelines, but I still would love to have the psychic powers that I was looking for four years ago.

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10 Comments

Filed under TTC #1, TTC #2

10 responses to “Timelines

  1. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you. The whole not being able to control the outcome of your baby making is just maddening.

  2. Fingers crossed for cycle #5! The not-knowing is terrible, isn’t it?

    I can definitely relate to the letting-go of a particular imagined age-gap. If our chemical pregnancy had taken our two would have been almost exactly two years apart. A very tidy combo!

    As the gap grows I also think about how (if we eventually conceive) it’ll be that much longer until we can take the baby gates down or go outside without having to be in constant high alert or be done with diapers. Not that I hate any of these things, but still. Not only is this hypothetical baby further into the future, so is the hypothetical 8 year old that he or she will become.

    • Your comment about the hypothetical 8-year old really rings true for me. I’m ready to get Roo pregnant and get through the crazy newborn period and get on with our lives! The further we get from diapers and having to be home for naps 3 times a day the harder it may be to go back to it.
      Hopefully your good news isn’t too far away!

  3. Uggh, the part about “if the chemical had stuck” really got me. It seems like such a taste of how things should have been. Like you say, once you’ve got that newborn, the timing will just be what it is, and you’ll likely discover reasons to be pleased about aspects of it, but not the aspect where you had to wait and wait and hope and hope and face disappointments. Here’s hoping very hard that you are about to move majorly FORWARD!

  4. Oh, how this resonates with me. We haven’t even started trying for #2 yet, but it’s on the horizon, and I keep thinking about this very feeling you describe – the uncertainty of TTC. Your loss of control. Here’s hoping and hoping fiercely that your next baby is ready to come along soon – next cycle soon! Maybe the Clomid will do the trick. It certainly helped us when we decided to go for it (and indeed, no twins).

  5. Oh, are we ever there with you. We got crazy-lucky with Critter (second try, easy pregnancy), and while we didn’t think we would be so lucky again, we didn’t necessarily think it would be as hard as this. (And this is still nothing. Good friends of ours started trying the same time we did for Critter, and are still waiting for a pregnancy that sticks.) And the longer it takes, the farther apart Critter and the next will be, and the more it interferes with our larger life plans (like going back to school).

    We haven’t hit the “if that pregnancy had stuck, we’d have another baby by now…” point yet, and to be honest, I really, really hope to be pregnant again by the time we get there. It’s hard enough hearing about PB’s sister-in-law (the one who is still due at almost the same time we were) and how everything is with them. I’m trying not to dwell on what might have been but isn’t, and that doesn’t help.

    Here’s the thing, though, and something that I remind myself periodically: There are pluses and minuses to any timing, and we can’t always predict them in advance.

    • Your last point is a really good one, and something that I keep telling myself.
      I hopehopehope that you guys are pregnant again well before you get to any milesones related to Blanket.

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