I first discovered TTC blogs more than four years ago when Roo and I were starting to think about trying to have a baby. I followed link after link poring over other people’s blogs in an attempt to understand what our process might look like. I was particularly fascinated by other people’s TTC timelines. In some ways, this was helpful. I saw the range of time that it took other couples to conceive. I learned a lot about success rates of ICI vs. IUI vs. IVF. I gained a clearer idea of when it might make sense to switch to a more aggressive (and expensive) approach.
But as many timelines as I read I couldn’t find the information I was looking for, which was how long it would take us to conceive. Fortunately, the first time around I didn’t have to wait very long since we got pregnant during our second cycle. And because of reading so many other timelines, I knew just how lucky we were.
I’m putting together a timeline for my own blog. As I’ve now been blogging for almost a year (!) it seems useful to provide a brief description of where we are and where we’ve been for any new readers. There is some sadness about this, however. In the timeline that I had in my head about how this ought to work, we would be pregnant or parenting kiddo #2 by now. I know that we have only tried four times (far fewer than many out there), but those tries have been spread out over almost a year. Writing down the details of our process so far reminds me of how little we have to show for it. If the chemical pregnancy from October 2011 had “stuck” we would be parents of two kids right now. If our last attempt back in February had worked, Roo would be 32 weeks pregnant now. Those outcomes are in the range of what I considered ideal. Spacing our kids 3 to 3 1/2 years apart felt right to me. It felt like enough time for us to recover from the difficult newborn period with Tad before jumping into infant-land again. It seemed like a good age difference between siblings. But (assuming we don’t someday adopt an older kid) it’s not the age spacing that we’re going to have.
I’m trying to believe that we’ll still get the bigger outcome that we want (a new baby to cuddle and love and watch grow into his/her own fascinating self). We just don’t get to pick when or how that happens. Once we have a second kid, I imagine the importance of the “what-might-have-beens” will fade. And the pluses and minuses of whatever age spacing we have will be just part of how things are.
We’re about two weeks into this cycle (#5), and our IUI will likely be sometime in the next few days. I’m hopeful that the increased monitoring will increase our chances. We’ve also decided to add Clomid this cycle, despite my terror that we will end up with twins. Dr. Y has convinced us that this low dose doesn’t really increase our risk of multiples all that much, and I’m willing to do just about anything that could keep this process from dragging on any longer. I’m excited to be actively doing something that could bring us a baby, but nervous to be using up #5 of the 6 cycles that our insurance will help to cover.
I wish that (if I can’t control how long this process will take) I could at least predict it. I’ve given up poring over other people’s timelines, but I still would love to have the psychic powers that I was looking for four years ago.