So the day I had been both hoping for and dreading came yesterday. A good friend called me to tell me that she is pregnant. She is one of my closest friends from college, and she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. They tried on their own for more than a year and have done a number of IUIs as well. I know that they will be amazing parents, and have wanted this for them for so long. And at the same time, it is hard for Roo and for me to lose our fertility procedures buddy. Especially at a time when it feels like Roo and I are getting further from our own good news.
Roo had her HSG a few weeks ago, the week before our beach trip. I was envisioning this as just one more hoop we had to jump through in order to satisfy BSFC (Big Scary Fertility Center). After all, most of the other things they have asked of us (STD testing, a social work consult, etc.) have felt pretty pointless. We did them because they were required, not because we thought there was any possibility that they would uncover the fact that one of us has an STD that no one knew about or that we are horribly unfit to be parents. My main fear was that the procedure would be horribly painful for Roo. Before the HSG we met with our nurse to sign the last set of consents, and we blithely discussed our plans for the IUI(s) for next month.
Because of our fears that the HSG would be painful, I went with Roo for the procedure, but then I wasn’t allowed in the room because of the radiation. When Roo came out, she seemed shaken up, and we found a spot to sit in the hallway and discuss things. It turned out that the procedure had been uncomfortable. And the doctor had found some polyps. He wanted her to get a sono HSG (?) in order to find out more information, but he promised this procedure would be less painful than the regular HSG. And he said that Roo would likely have a “minor operation” to remove the polyps, based on the results of the second HSG.
We were both very upset, and had an intense conversation in the hospital hallway. We were both sad and frustrated at having yet another barrier to even trying to get pregnant again.
At this point, my very wise Roo went back over to the fertility center (the HSG had happened in a different part of the hospital) and asked to talk to our nurse, who was fabulous and reassuring. She said that this sort of thing happens all the time, and is usually not a big deal at all. So after talking to OLN (Our Lovely Nurse), we both felt a bit better. This is a small issue, and one that is relatively easily dealt with. In some ways it is a good thing to have a possible explanation for our difficulties getting/staying pregnant (if four tries even counts as difficulty).
Then came the sono HSG. Roo went into it feeling like she knew the ropes and it would be smooth sailing. I didn’t go with her (partly because it would have been hard to find childcare for our third appointment in one week). This procedure ended up being performed by a doctor who isn’t our usual doctor. It also turned out to be incredibly painful (even more than the first HSG, despite our doctor’s promises to the contrary). And then, at the end of it, the doctor said he hadn’t been able to get a good picture, so he didn’t have any more information!
We’ve taken the last few weeks off from all of this to regroup, and this Friday we’ll go back to meet with our doctor and discuss our options from here. There’s a lot that we don’t know. Given that they couldn’t get any information from the sonoHSG, would they do the operation anyway, given that our doctor was pretty sure he saw some polyps? How much of an effect have the polyps been having on Roo’s ability to become pregnant? What would the “minor operation” to remove the polyps look like? How would/will it affect the timing of our next IUI?
Then there are questions that are up to us. How much more is Roo willing to put up with in terms of painful and invasive procedures? At what point would we decide to switch back to trying with me (though there are certainly no guarantees there)?
And then there are the questions that no one can answer: How much longer until we have another kid? How old will Tadpole be when that happens? How will s/he come to us?