Still waiting

Several of Tadpole’s friends have recently become big siblings, and he is fascinated by the idea of birth.  He often asks to look through the pictures of his own birth that are in our baby book.  He walks around the house with eight Brio train pieces in the legs of his footy pajamas talking about how he has babies in his “tummy.” And then he will enact birth scences for his octuplets, with himself as the (pregnant) father, and me as the nurse who “gives the baby a check out.”    This game is hilarious and adorable.  And it also makes me sad because I’m so eager for him to be a big brother, and to have conversations about a new pregnancy in our family with him.

 No word yet on whether this cycle worked.  The plan is to test on Tuesday morning, since Roo goes to New York on Wednesday.  I’m all over the place emotionally.  I’ll go for several hours convinced that we will be just fine, even if this cycle isn’t the one.  I’m able to think things like, “I know we’ll have a baby someday”, “our life is pretty great right now so we’ll be okay if it doesn’t change now”, etc.  Then Roo will mention something about a lack of symptoms, and I will fall into despair, convinced that this cycle didn’t work and that it will be horibble and painful and awful to wait a number of months to try again (especially with no guarantee about how many more cycles it will take or how many vials of this donor will be left by then).  And then Roo mentions a little queasiness, and suddenly I’m on top of the world, convinced that this cycle did work and the timing is perfect, and everything will be wonderful.

For added fun and excitement, we have each been stricken by at least one illness lately.  We’ve all had colds for weeks, plus Tadpole is on antibiotics for an ear infection and eye infection caused by the congestion.  And then I had some sort of virus a few days ago (that included exhaustion and a little queasiness as symptoms).  And then last night Tadpole had a fever of 102, and slept til 10:30am for the first time in his entire life.  So we went back to his pediatrician today, where they diagnosed the return of the ear infection that we thought we were curing.  So lots of things that Roo could identify as possible symptoms of pregnancy may just be her catching whatever bug I had (and Tadpole maybe had too?).  Joy, oh joy. 

So, umm….yeah.  Still here.  Still obsessing.  No real news.

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6 Comments

Filed under Tadpole, TTC #2

6 responses to “Still waiting

  1. Oh I have my fingers crossed with anticipation for you. Until Tuesday….

  2. Modi Ramos

    Best of luck to you and your family in your hopes to conceive again:) hopefully my pregnancy luck is contagious to you! 🙂

  3. Oh Tadpole, you are so charming and sweet! The waiting is hellish, and there’s no escaping the “what ifs,” and I can’t think of a thing that made me feel better during my many waits. Although it was nice to know that there were people out there who understood (in their own ways) how important and difficult this experience is, so here I am, understanding in my own way and very much hoping for you guys!

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