I had this whole post planned out in my head before I got up this morning.  It would be titled “OMG!”  I would begin by describing how I had envisioned this month’s attempt as a trial run.  After all, we felt lucky to have conceived Tadpole in 2 months, and we were several years younger then.  I would launch into a description of my astonishment when, sometime last week, Roo started having pretty much every single listed symptom of early pregnancy.  And then our joy when we got the faintest of positive pregnancy tests on Tuesday morning.

All of those things did happen.  Where the post-in-my-head diverges from reality has to do with this morning.  The post-in-my-head involved early-morning excitement over a pregnancy test that turned rapidly and more definitively positive.  The post in reality includes an early morning pregnancy test that turned definitively negative.

Obsessive Googling and a phone call to Roo’s OB suggest that we have had a chemical pregnancy.

Before the cycle started, I thought I was ready to be calm and patient and measured, avoiding becoming too excited, too fearful, or too despairing.  But we had several days of increasing symptoms leading to increasing optimism.  And 48 hours of believing that Roo was pregnant, in which we daydreamed about a summer baby and making the announcement to our families and friends and not having to pay a zillion more dollars to the sperm bank.  And now it has all come crashing back down.  I’m trying to get back to that place of being calm and patient, but definitely not there yet.



Filed under blogging, TTC #2, Uncategorized

5 responses to “WTF?

  1. z.

    Gah. Even if you were thinking of this as a trial run, it’s still disappointing. I’m sorry…

  2. That is so disappointing 😦 But at least you know Roo can get pregnant relatively easily! Sending hugs XX

  3. Boo

    I am so sorry for your loss. Chemical pregnancies / early miscarriages can be really hard. It’s amazing how attached you can become in just a few short days. You guys are in my thoughts.

  4. i’m so sorry. what a mindfuck.

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